Hurricane
Where I'm from, in June the winds get stronger at night, During the day everything is sunny and dry, and just like my mood, the weather can change with the blink of an eye, When you were born in the arms of a hurricane, moving its way into your home, trying to destroy every single thing you loved the dearest, Foolish men like you don't intimidate me,
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When the sun goes down,
while everyone else gets thrilled of excitement because the night life has just started, under hazy lights, gloomy skies, with more than a million stars sparkling and twinkling... and the moon as their shepherd, You sit there patiently waiting, For the hopeless romantics, A guide was never written instructing you how to love, or live and all of the above, In school they never taught you in sex-ed that some people will walk up and leave after they banged you, when you really would prefer to use the term 'make love', After dinner, you are anxious to go back to your room and stare at the sky, wondering, how would it feel like to be loved deeply in return? One(1) Even after how many times you manifested yourself, and how many times your stomach growled for it, We should know better before going to bed hungry for more love. Two(2) You deserve to go to bed whole, and rise back up brighter than the day before, don't break yourself to pieces for anyone. Three(3) If someone tells you after you boldly expressed and gave so much love in return, and all he has to say back is: "what do you want me to say" just cut the conversation short, otherwise you would be better off talking with yourself Four(4) Sometimes our love would be returned in pieces, never whole or as much as you gave, and thats okay, you are perfectly fine the way you are and some people just don't know how to love Five(5) Everything is either too much or just not about enough. You created roles for every person who 'made you fall' and get upset each time they refuse to play along, Six(6) This one is for the settler, the hopeless romantic who keeps wishing that your love would be returned back, wishing that he or she would change and leave it all for you, You were never a side dish to begin with, so why are you settling to be one now? Seven(7) Your love should not be something that has to wait because someone is too busy falling in love with itself than to return it back to you Eight(8) You are going to fall in love with any honest and genuine soul you meet, reserve a little love, don't give it all away Nine(9) By now you should know that fairy tales don't exist, and on your better days, it doesn't always have a happy ending, but you're still breathing Ten(10) After all this time, you have spent your entire life giving so much love, deeply loving every single thing, this time save some of that for you, you deserve it more than anyone Eleven(11) Every now and then you find yourself sitting somewhere and gazing at the stars, you ask yourself this every single time, and each time, you begin to wonder if its ever going to really happen to you, You're such a one in a million type of person, the kind who would rather eat lunch for breakfast, lunch and dinner, You are a hopeless romantic, but let me be the one who tells you there is still hope, Please do not ever lose your sense of humor, do not let that spark in your eyes dade, do not lessen the intensity of your love for anyone.. especially those who do not know what to love and to be loved really means A few years back,
When I found myself in front of mirrors, no make up on, no fancy dress on, nothing on, nothing on, When I was still so innocent and pure, When I still could claim my body as only mine, I realized how much I loved and craved words, I always had this desire to hear words, Words that would feed my stomach when there wasn't food at the table, Words that would wipe tears that would run down my face, Words that you would never hear a preacher preach, a father murmur, a widow who wears her heart on her cheek sob, I wonder, if sometimes there is more to life than this, If love would ever be great again, if one day we would see more marriages in newspapers, and, and if the cheaters, and liars and those goddamn selfish people would give love its true definition back again, I wonder if sometimes I would hear words come out of your mouth without the cry for forgiveness, As I sit back in the last row and listen to your poems, I can hear your heart singing under your breath, so much more than words come out, Every inch of my body shivers, after so long even if its just for a few minutes, I feel like I am home, Like you are me, and all what I crave and I crave and I crave words, I want to eat words for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I want it raw, and I want it whole, I want you entirely...with every word inside your mouth March 26, 2016 At the age of 3 I learned how to walk,
Around 3:30 pm in the sunny afternoon, A little toddler runs in the direction of a car who just parked in the drive way, It was my mother On Women's Day 1998 was a historical day for my mother, Not only because her first born had just learned how to take her first steps without falling down, But because she had reminisced on how rewarding it really is to be a woman. As a little girl, you are taught that dolls are for girls, and cars are for boys, And sometimes we used the gender role when it suited us. For siblings like mine, we often fight like animals every time my mother turned her back In the evenings, especially on Saturdays we were merely together watching tv, For me being a woman was no easy task, You see, when I turned 13 and all these hormones were gushing through my body Suddenly everything was changing so fast, at a speed of light, Before I knew it the girls who I used to play dolls with had huge breasts and started to use lipstick. I didn't understand why did they put so much effort to get noticed by boys who never cared to treat them well At 17 I learned what it meant to be disrespected for the first and last time in my life, I swore that I will never let a man own me for anything that I claimed to be mine, My name and my identity were the only things I was able to carry around with me without having anybody make up some mediocre lie about me just to make them feel good about themselves Before you think that life doesn't get hard for a girl at the age of 20 guess again, I had to learn the hard way what it was like to have my face dragged to the floor and still have a smile as morning and as sunny as summer, I had to learn that not all men were honest, and in fact I had to learn to be my own hero, No man was going to save me from the misery, but one day I decided to leave all of that heavy baggage behind, Just as I learned to walk on such a beautiful day, I learned that every day is a beautiful day, That the life of a woman is sometimes as complicated as it gets, I have loved and I still love deeply, and for that I am ever thankful, To have been blessed with an immense heart that can only give more than it receives, I understood and now believe that the problem for us women is not the intensity of our love but rather the quality of people we love, and that's okay, Not every person knows how to value a woman's time and effort, and that's okay, You, phenomenal woman..are made out of mistakes, regrets, aspirations and dreams..you are magic And that's something not everyone knows how to love. Through out my life, and still do, I had a hard time believing in things.
Believing in things and in people often felt like a gamble, where the odds were always 100 to 1 No matter how high I place my bets I would always end up losing more than I feel like I'm winning, Often at 3 am I would find myself sitting in the front porch, with fresh brewed coffee and the silent sound of cars passing my miles away, When you grow up in a catholic household, you are taught that you should never question God's work Between the age of 0 to 8 you are told that if you do good the entire year on Christmas morning Santa Claus will bring you presents, At age 9 you find your parents at midnight stuffing the presents under the tree and all of the sudden a piece of your innocence goes away, If only you were able to read those drafts of the poems I never publish,
the ones I want to scream so lout on the top of my lungs, and when I'm done I am not going to cry, I am not going to be upset, Because I've cried enough while I was writing all of those 200 and something poems, The ones you never bothered to read, The ones I wrote about my past experienced that you never understood, The friends that left and left holes in my soul that nobody will ever be able to fill, empty spaces between each line, never finished, never complete I am expected to be sensational, A girl every man desires, the one nobody wants with her baggage, leave her on the doorstep, Pick her up when you feel low, and leave her back where you left her, My innocence was broken in more than 978 words, Over and over again, I was never what I seemed, and I apologize if you can't handle honesty, If I am just too over the top, to overly correct at times when you can't swallow down your own truth, but I am expected to swallow more than I can chew, You see it is never about fairness, it's not even about expectations anymore, I'm holding my head above water, My mind is polluted with so many thoughts, Everything past tense, everything always a minute too late Nothing is ever talked about, no feelings, no emotions, Each time I hide that part of me from the world, each time you and them, and me, and them, and we, the times you've heard my heart hit the floor, you didn't bother, so don't bother to know the real me now, It's already been gone One word description,
I am semicolon, Always stuck between two things, just as important yet so different, A paradox to some, a chameleon soul to my parents, and this indecisive soul to my honest self, On some days I wake up with an immense desire to leave my home with only a suitcase in hand, Go far away, with no baggage on my shoulders, no walls, nothing but sea breeze and sand, and on other days, I want to lock myself up and not speak to a single soul On some days I wake up with this immense desire to travel and party in Europe and just forget about work, kids, and getting married, I don't want to think about my responsibilities, paying bills, needing coffee to stay awake, and tv drama, and on other days, I just can't wait to grow up, I often dream of getting married, and to be a good wife, and the next day I fear commitment, I fear my own desires, and censor them like the media does to the wrong publicity I'm two different persons, I have my mother's attitude and my father's temper, Once I was asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, what I wanted to do and where I see myself.. this is what I've wrote.. A few years from today; A while ago I was nine years old, and I did not have any worries,
We never lived lavishly, but mom was always full of stories, And the kitchen table was the center of the home, The only broken pieces were glassware and it did not really matter I remember when I turned 13, and everything was happening so fast, I felt the need to grow up really quickly, Trying to try on a different personality every day, I was just trying to find myself, Not too long ago, I was 17 years old, I was looking for love in all the wrong places, And suddenly everyone became strangers, even the familiar faces. I ended up with trust issues with myself, and became close friends with my demons, Soon I will be 21 years old and I hope to have myself together by then, I wish to let all my fears behind and start something new, and may my face stay as morning as ever, and my eyes spark more than on new year's eve, No broken glasses, but I feel like there is something broken every day, In a while I will be 26, and I wonder If I will be married and have kids, I am still sitting at that kitchen table reminiscing about life, Like how did I miss all of those time that flew me pass by, and looking back, all back, Over 20 something years back, Every single chapter was the same thing, The same desires, the same hopes, In between nothing mattered, except the fear of ending up with all of this, Sitting alone at that same kitchen table, with no center, no stories, no wholeness, Just me and my memories, and broken pieces.. At times when she does not feel like getting out of bed or taking a shower, love her anyway
She will always be as morning and beautiful as the first day you laid eyes on her but on the days where her mascara is all over her face and her lipstick is smudged on her lips, love her anyway Regardless of the times she has made you angry, she will love you more than anyone, so love her anyway she is not the easiest person to deal with, don't waste time trying to figure her out; She can't even figure herself out, and her mind is as complex as love is, but love her anyway She will not stay a size 6 forever, on some days she will feel like a giant float, and will complain about her body and insecurities like an anthem song, love her completely anyway At 12 am when she feels like making a stack of pancakes to eat or the afternoons when she starves herself just to feel better about herself, love her fully anyway When she texts you over and over because she needs a little attention, and you feel like she is getting on every inch of your nerves, just love her anyway On her darkest days, she will still be your light house, and she will light all your candles back on when they burn out, keep loving her anyway, and when she just does not have any more love to give, When she completely runs out of love, and can't figure out ways to love even herself, always remind her, That you will still love her anyway. Dear tomorrow,
How are you doing? What have you been up to? Are you feeling better than today, or even better than yesterday? Dear tomorrow, I have so many questions to ask you What do you sound like, what are your thoughts on love, do you feel like smiling today? Dear tomorrow, I am sorry if I am too curious or a little too attached, I just want to know tomorrow, Would you still feel the same way about me, as you do today? Dear tomorrow, Why don't you ever write me back, I am hoping that you can answer me, Please don't keep me waiting, Dear tomorrow, The day is almost over and I can barely keep myself together, Its so quiet in here, and I feel alone, I can't stop looking at my phone Dear tomorrow, How was your day yesterday? Were you feeling well? Did you feel loved? I hope you did Dear tomorrow, I'm sorry that I didn't say goodbye, I couldn't reach you, I tried texting, talking, and sending messages..you wouldn't reply Dear tomorrow, I hope you are doing well I can still recall the times I was asking for you, You were all I thought about, you were the only thing I was looking forward on seeing Dear tomorrow, How are you today? Keyla Reeder January 9th, 2015 |
AuthorA collection of a few published poems and spoken words by Keyla. Feel free to go through any of them, feed back is always welcome. Archives
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