I used to be the most insecure person..ever I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror without pointing out at least 10 things that were wrong with me
Either I was too fat, too dramatic, too emotionally unstable, a little too much I have always either loved too much or not enough, nothing in my life was ever balanced, When you come from a dysfunctional family, you learn what the true meaning of dependance means, And as time goes, you start learning to use it more carefully I often still have nightmares about it People always say how beautiful it is to be strong and not having to depend on anyone but yourself. But just how strong can you really be? Just how content are you really with the reality of not needing anyone? Sometimes I feel that I am too strong, I have learned to use my own wings instead of depending on someone else’s to fly, Often my strength scares me, I am so scared to hold something or someone in my arms because I am afraid that I am too strong and that I will break it. It is not that I did not like your gesture, but the thought that I can provide for myself even if I don’t have a spare penny to give away right now or not enough to pay the bills is traumatic I remember when I used to find comfort in people How I used to make homes out of people and make beds out of their arms It was so peaceful back then, Back when everything had a reason and purpose and somehow I had a reason to hold on to things and people In less than a few weeks another chapter closes. Another year goes by and I can say that I really learned I really learned what it’s like to see things from the other side, and I learned that sometimes the grass isn’t really greener on the other side December 13th, 2015
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Don't under estimate me, for I have a complex life, everything in my life that was once so easy, every wind that blew in my hair that felt so breezy now irritates me,
to the point were all I want to do is lock myself up in my room, and stare at old photographs and wonder what i've become and why, but not everything had an answer, not everything got clearer, some things just became more dull and dark, kind of like old memorabilias in the attic that you just seem to forget about with time. My brain started to bloom, and grew stems, it started to grow flowers with time, I called it Begonia..with time Time made it difficult as well as easy for me to understand that I was on a fast train that made changes on every stop it made, but every stop didn't really give me the chance to catch my breath. I wanted to take things slow and understand more, appreciate and love more but all I did was give, give, give Where was the getting and receiving? where was the enjoyment instead of the griefing? because that's all I was feeling, day by day, on people and things that had been dead 2 centuries ago, I was rolling up to every corner where it said "we sell love here" I was rolling up to corners with spiderwebs and dust, I was making temporary things a must. I now know, that my life for a fact wasn't complicated and neither was I, perhaps it was the way others thought, maybe you should trade shoes or have a look through my eyes, maybe then you will see that it takes more than elevating and breaking out for one to feel free To feel freedom, to be freedom, to have freedom of speech, while living in a cage called world, where dreams and potentials sometimes are far out of reach. |
AuthorA collection of a few published poems and spoken words by Keyla. Feel free to go through any of them, feed back is always welcome. Archives
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