I feel like venting out to the things I no longer want to apologize for. I have apogized for many things in my life and to be quite honest, I am running out of pardons to give,
I want to start by stop apologizing for my family tree, for my history and the 100 years of white sin, I cannot carry the burdens of the mistakes that other people have tried to burn on my skin It's been 11 years, and on my face my parents are still together, I no longer want to apologize for my structure and my complection, For having eyes that could set the sky on fire but I chose to burn people instead, for having hips that are too huge for you to hold and a mouth that cannot keep shut when it comes to feelings, I cannot help that my mother has to see my father's face in me every morning when I wake up angry, I never chose to have his last name and I cannot keep apologizing for the times I have said so many things out of rage because I felt sorry for everyone but myself, You never apologized to me for hurting me, but I apologized to you 12 times for being angry about it I forgave everyone but myself, and I kept feeling sorry about it You never apologized for leaving me hanging,or for the times you never texted back and I had to apologize for not asking how your day was because I was too pissed to swallow my pride and pretend that you didn't make this conversation as irrelevant as it can get for you I often had to swallow my own guts and step on my own feet just to make you stand tall and be sorry about it because I could not raise you high enough, because I never complimented you as much as your friends did because I was never good at feeding other people's ego I will no longer apologize for having too much ambition, because I know what it is like to count every dollar bill on the table, and having to skip breakfast just so that I can make it until the end of the month without them having to cut the power off,No longer will I be sorry for the amounts of coffee I take in every day, 6 espresso shots and I still feel tired, Let me mention the times I felt sorry, that I was "too smart", that having facts meants more to be than trusting my gut and feelings, Maybe by now you understand that people like me don't trust others often, and when I do its always around 3 am when I can't sleep, and I ask you "are you awake? can I tell you something?" just so that in the morning I can wake up and apologize for talking too much and making you lose sleep, You never apologized for the times I have lost sleep, because my mind was too busy wandering on the things I supposedly did wrong, for the amount of times I was either too much or just not about enough to make this whole thing last, I won't apologize for the times I couldn't make your voice sound like his, help me recall when you apologized for caming too early and leaving too quick, Something about Sundays and long weeks ahead that makes me vent out like crazy. Some days I'm tea and other days I am straight up whiskeyYou must have known better. You should have never made out with a poet, let alone make her fall, and I won't aplogize for falling, I am unaplogetic, period..from Sundays to Mondays, Mondays to Sundays, But all that doesn't matter anymore. I am sorry for being sorry, this has really been the last apology I will ever give for myself and I hope that if one day you do ever apologize for the things you didn't own, that the word "honesty" would be used better than I ever used it before. Friday, March 6th, 2015
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AuthorA collection of a few published poems and spoken words by Keyla. Feel free to go through any of them, feed back is always welcome. Archives
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